22. Shopping Around

well i had my long awaited doctor appointment yesterday!

the big thing i wanted to know about was the pain i've been having in my hip(s)/thigh. evidently it is not normal and so i begin physical therapy tomorrow morning! i can't tell you how excited i am about this - hopefully hopefully hopefully it helps!

i was also told the next time i feel any chest pain/heaviness like i did last week i should just go in to the emergency room to get checked out. she didn't think it was anything too serious but just wants to be on the safe side. fine by me!

i have to say that while i really like my doctor and think she is very nice i was a little disappointed with some things yesterday and it's got me thinking....

first off - we showed up to our one o'clock appointment early - but not too early. we got in fairly quickly. once i talked to the nurse and she left it was one o'clock. we sat in that room for 45 minutes! the doctor finally showed up and while she was very nice there was absolutely no mention of being sorry that she was running late. i know that things can get hectic there but a little apology would have been nice and probably smoothed everything over for me. but don't make me wait 45 minutes when the entire lobby was empty of patients and act like you showed up on time.

i had a list of questions to ask. it had been six weeks since i was last in there. i was expecting a little quality time - especially since she seems to have given her last patient all the time in the world. i'm pretty sure if i hadn't been forceful in bringing them up she would have taken a look at me and sent me on my way all in a span of two minutes!

one of my questions regarded birthing tubs - or at least tubs that i could labor in. she said they had showers. uh yeah - pretty sure those two have nothing in common. so that sucked.

like i said - my doctor is very nice but i just don't feel right somehow. i know doctors can't be super one on one and remember all their patients but it's my first baby and it's a big deal to me, ya know? my doctor has a couple of other doctors in her practice and any one of them might end up in the delivery room with me. that's fine and i understand - but shouldn't i at least get to meet these other doctors? perhaps have an appointment with each one of them? that way at least i'll know who they are even though they may not remember me.

and i must admit i'm a little disappointed about the lack of birthing amenities. granted i have no idea how my labor will go and laboring in water/water birth may not be in the cards. but i'd like the option. i called the other hospital in town - they have an actual birthing center. so they said i could just show up anytime and they'd give me a tour. chris and i are going to do that when he gets off work tonight. i'll ask a bunch of questions and then make up my mind about whether or not i want to make such a big switch.

i'm also going to start interviewing doula's. that way i know i'll have someone there who knows me and that will give some piece of mind.

21. Doctor Appt = Today!

i get to go to the doctor!

i get to go to the doctor!

i get to go to the doctor!

who knew a gal could be so excited about a doctor's appointment? :)

20. Hmmmm......

when we first moved into the house a few months ago i was greeted (well...no one actually said 'hi') by our new neighbors. they were....how shall i put this...white trashy. you know the kind. screaming and hollering at the children (probably all from different fathers). overweight. yard not mowed. toys left everywhere. etc. etc.

since that first encounter we've come to get to know the grandmother who owns the house. nice enough. the kids are pretty okay too. but the squallering that goes on! and the hacking of lungs from smoking - i kid you not - one day she was out there for 45 minutes hacking and hacking and hacking and spitting. nasty shit.

well today i happen to look out my window and see not one but two squad cars! turns out no one was home but it looked like the cops were going to hang out for a bit and wait but then decided to leave.

now i'm curious.

it's happening. i'm going to turn into that old lady with cats who spies on her neighbors. sigh....

19. Argh!

argh!

up at the butt crack of dawn - not to mention the eight thousand times i've been up all night to piss. and every single one of those times the area above my knee was completely numb. finally at 5am i couldn't take it anymore - the numbness was spreading and my leg and hip just hurt too bad to lay in bed any longer.

so i got up. leg still hurts. it hurts when i sit. it hurts when i walk. it hurts when i stand. it hurts when i lay down. what the fuck? is this going to fucking last for six more months?

i wish it were wednesday! i cannot wait to go to the doctor and find out what is wrong with me. hopefully it's something that i can go to the chiropractor for - or get a massage for. or maybe there's two babies in there...

i know everyone thinks i'm crazy for wanting twins but seriously - who knows what they're getting into when they have their first baby? why not have two? and then i can be done - i can't imagine going through all this leg crap while having to chase a toddler around the house. no thank you.

ugh. sorry for all the swearing and complaining. but mother fucker - i'm so god damn sick of my leg and hip! no matter what i do they hurt or are numb. all the time! frick!

18. Avacado

today marks the start of week 16. according to internet baby experts the babe is now the size of an avacado!

i had someone ask me about the babe for the first time on thursday at work! not that i'm not positive i look pregnant and not just fat (i'm so big that my mom is sure i'm having twins!) but it was nice to have someone (strangers that is) finally notice. i was beginning to think that every customer coming in just thought i must sample too much candy!

i have my next doctor's appointment on wednesday. cannot wait! my hip/butt/thigh problem is only getting worse. for instance - i cannot feel my thigh right now. i mean i can feel it...it's like when you go to the dentist and the novocaine starts to wear off - that weird sensation. i also had some massive chest heaviness the other night. just sitting watching tv and all the sudden my chest hurt. it felt like my heart was going to beat right out of it! kinda scary - but according to a lot of baby forums i looked at pretty typical.

in other non-pregnancy related news.....

i took the dog out to pee last night. (pretty exciting, eh?) but when i came back in albus (my black cat) was waiting at the door for us. he's done this before and i didn't think anything of it. i came in and shut/locked the door, turned off the porch light and went to bed. woke up this morning and chris took the dog out only to discover albus sitting on the porch letting out a meow the likes of which neither of us had ever heard! evidently he snuck out in that instant i brought the dog in last night! poor baby! i'm so thankful he didn't run away - i don't know what i would have done!

(okay...now the thigh is having some pain issues....)

he's pretty good that way - staying in one place that is. i remember the night i first adopted him. i had him in bed with me but i couldn't sleep because he was playing with my feet so much. so i put a blanket outside my door, set him on it and shut the door. the next morning he was exactly where i set him :)

alright - i need to get up and move a bit. i'm so bummed because i'm sitting in the glider my mom bought us and it's awesome - but it makes my darn leg go numb SO fast. sigh...

i think i've now lost feeling in my left ass cheek....

17. Seriously...

it's raining. AGAIN.

could we please get a day of nice weather - perhaps on a day i have off?

16. Could Not Resist!

i just got back from target with my mom. of course we had to look at baby stuff :)

i haven't bought a ton of stuff for the kid yet but if there is one thing i'm a sucker for it's rock n' roll baby clothes. love them! and target actually had some so of course i had to get them!

i got a beatles one. a pink floyd one. and a madonna one (granted i don't know the sex of the child but how could i pass up a madonna onesie?) mom also got a beatles one - it's pink (again - don't know the sex but if it's a boy we can always gift it to someone else) - and says 'strawberry fields forever'. ah - love them! this will add to the collection - i've already bought a beatles one and an acdc one :)

i also got a pair of pants for myself. super comfy. super cute. dress them up or down. black pants. and it's got the full on belly cover which i like. i just can't get used to trying them on - i keep looking for the button/zipper. it's like a giant tube with legs :)

mmm...the husband should be home soon. i'm thinking a walk to get an ice-cream cone sounds good :)

oh - and since this will hopefully be my last post of the day (good grief!) i need to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to christian who is turning two today! :) congrats kelly and richard - you have a terrific son!

15. Nap Time

i searched the house for motivation and it exhausted me. i'm going to take a nap :)

hopefully this nasty headache will be gone by the time i wake up!

update : no luck on the headache going away...still going strong :(

14. The Left

i'm beginning to think there must be something seriously wrong with the left side of my body.

that's the side all the hip to knee pain/numbness is in. it's also the side that i always get headaches on - like the one i have right now. the one that i've had since last night. the one that tylenol has yet to take away...

in other news...

the crappy weather returned yesterday. rain. thunderstorms. fog. i wanted to start getting some things accomplished this week and this weather just makes the motivation so hard to find. i end up sleeping or watching television. i have two blankets i should be working on but sitting in a position that is comfortable to do so has been near impossible with this sciatic nerve business. le sigh.

i started poking around the babycenter.com website a few days ago. joined the december 2010 birth club. i must say i'm a bit dissapointed in it though. i like getting the weekly updates about how the baby is growing but the part where you post questions is rather annoying. i started reading through a bunch of them and even commented on a few. then i decided to post my own - in regards to the sciatic nerve issues i've been having. so far i've gotton one response. this other lady posted a question in regards to whether or not her baby was going to be attractive and even posted some gangsta picture of her BD (which i'm assuming stands for baby daddy and makes me gag*) to help people decide. that post recieved 7 comments** so far and people actually seemed to take it seriously. pish....

i've started to feel much more excited about the pregnancy. that sounds bad. i've been excited about it since the day that second line appeared! it just seems that the only time i've had a major emotional response in regards to it the past two months have been crying fits about how i'm going to be a terrible mother and that maybe this wasn't the best idea and so on and so on.

the other night though as we fell asleep i cried out of happiness. just laying there holding what i'm now sure is a baby bump and not just fat i realized that there were three (or maybe four?!?) heartbeats in that bed. that chris and i had created that (those) extra little beats. it was absolutely amazing! i'm sure i startled chris with that outburst of emotion but after i assured him it was a happy cry we both just lay there together holding my belly.

gosh - pregnancy really does make you cry and at everything. i got all teary again.

hmm...all the sudden i'm starving. it's okay to each lunch now, right?


*i feel as though i must add that chris and i refer to each other as baby mama/baby daddy sometimes. we know how obnoxious it is but we also know that we're only kidding when we do it. people who use those terms in a serious manner annoy me. a lot.

**i just checked back and that stupid post now has 39 comments! wtf?

13. House Arrest

i'm putting myself on house arrest. only to leave when i have to go to work or when chris is going to be the driver.

i don't know why but traffic is my trigger. i get absolutetly insane when people are morons and lately - that is ALL. THE. TIME.

i mean really. yes - let's drive 60 miles an hour on the freeway during construction when there are crews on the road and the speed limit is 45 miles and hour. and then 35 when there ARE NO CREWS! 

yes - lets' whip out in front of me on a road where the speed limit is 50 and make me slow all the way down to 30 when if you had waited one fucking second you could have pulled out BEHIND me where there were NO CARS!

yes - please drive through the crosswalk WHILE I'M IN IT!

yes - ride my ass because i drive the speed limit - it will make me go faster! how did you know??

yes - please sit through half the green light and then drive 15 miles an hour.

AHHHH! one of these days i'm going to get the chance to go off on one of these fuckers and it won't be pretty. there are years of pent up aggression just waiting to get out and now i'm full of pregnant hormones.

12. Belly

i think i can say with confidence that i now have an official baby bump - no longer just a fatty pooch :)

11. Still....

i hate these mornings.

the ones where i wake up far too early for someone who doesn't have to be up. before even my husband who has to wake up early wakes up.

the ones where i lay in bed and stuff that shouldn't pops into my head and makes me sad.

like my wedding photos.

i mean really - it's been over a year. yet i still can't take the time to sit down and look through them even though i'd really like to put together some kind of album. i just feel all sick to my stomach. the one thing i really wanted was fantastic photos.

and it's my fault...i should have known better...

10. 14 Weeks!

14 weeks already?

i swear i just found out i was pregnant yesterday....wasn't it?

today the baby is the size of a lemon.

it's also starting to pee. there is a little human being urinating inside of me. crazy!

9. Melting Ice-Cream

today may have been a tad too hot for me but this evening is fantastic! the sun isn't beating down on you, it's the perfect temperature and all you want to do is sit out on the porch.

anitta and her daughter stopped by a little while ago (they had been in town running some errands) and we all walked down to the video store where they also happen to sell ice-cream :) (their ad outside the store is 'stop in for a flick n' lick' hmmm.... :)). i got a big (a little too big) cotton candy waffle cone! yum!

8. Animated

i had an entire dream last take place in pixar-like animation. i don't remember what it was about but i do know that's the first cartoon dream i've ever had. strange. and pretty cool....

speaking of dreams i haven't really had any of the crazy dreams that seem to come along with pregnancy. i had one though....

it began with chris and i showing up to the hospital. our friends don and anitta were there all excited to tell us that our baby was in the nursery - so to the nursery we went! and sure enough - there was our baby! except it was philippino. and had teeth - top and bottom. somehow though we were expecting all of this and so we weren't surprised. then my mother showed up and announced that she'd named the baby for us! i was so upset and explained to her that i already had girl names picked out. at this my mom started crying - she was so sure we were going to love the name she picked out - sympathy jane. she left to go get the name changed to one we liked and returned with two copies of the biggest loser workout dvd's. then i woke up....

weird....

in other news for the day chris and i got our new washer and dryer installed! they're beautiful! who knew i'd be so excited to do laundry! we didn't get a matching set - although they're both white. we went to an appliance outlet store and got a great deal though so i'm super happy about that!

we also got our camera today! a nikon d3000. a great camera - something that we can grow with and then eventually upgrade. we found a local camera shop in town and i'm so glad we did! the owner was extremely helpful! he helped us set everything up and spent almost an hour going over some of the basic features to get us started. he set us up with a camera bag, three dvd's, a book, and memory cards for a fraction of the cost! he also mentioned that starting in the fall they'll be offering in-store classes. that'll be great - give us time to get used the camera and learn a few things on our own and then learn more right before the baby arrives! so yeah - i was super impressed! and the prices were the same as the big chain stores - but try getting that service from some teen working part-time!

i've already taken almost a 100 pictures - finally getting some great shots of the house so i can send those out to friends and family :) and it's been a great day for it - gorgeous weather! i must say it's a bit too hot for my taste - at least for walking around in the direct sun but hey - it's SUN! after the crap we've had lately i'll take anything!

wow...i ramble a lot...

7. Spending Spree!

wow! it's amazing how fast one can spend $10,000!

-refinishing hardwood floors on first floor
-carpeting entire second floor
-remodeling second floor
-antique dresser for baby
-antique shelf/cabinet for baby
-crib for baby
-camera
-television
-lawn mower
-grill
-washer & dryer
-a few other misc. items

6. Numb

my entire left thigh is numb. hip to knee. numb.

this sucks. big time. but there's good news....

it will more than likely go away after childbirth. so...uh...only about 185 more days!

in the meantime avoid standing or walking. awesome.

5. Meditation

i think i need to learn how to meditate - that or take a break from facebook....

i woke up this morning and checked facebook (because...what else would i do?). my mother's cousin had left some snarky update about how obama has not kept any promises and then her friends all left comments about how they didn't want him anywhere near the white house...etc...etc.

really? you wanted sarah palin there instead? REALLY???

so i had to leave a comment back. it should end there, right? but no - here am i still pissed - and why? this woman lives in KY. i've seen her all of once in my entire life. i have no reason to care about what she thinks and certainly have no reason to let if affect my mood. for some reason though - political issues just do that to me.

perhaps i need to delete facebook from my cellphone. i'm not on the computer that often but i have my cellphone everywhere i go which means i'm always checking facebook. talk about an addiction! why can't i be addicted to exercise?


**so what did do after posting this? checked my facebook. good god. is there a support group for this?

4. Solid Gold Love

seriously. i cannot get enough of this solid gold oldies station! every song is fantastic!

and since the baby can hear me now i'll just sing to it all day long :) (this kid better have a good appreciation for all this great music!)

3. Where Did the Sun Go?

okay sun - what gives? i know you're up there somewhere shining.....

this is the longest stretch i can remember of just straight rainy/foggy/miserable days. a couple is fine but this many really starts to wear you down physically and emotionally....

on the bright side i got 7 straight hours of sleep last night (sorry molly!)! hopefully it wasn't just a one time thing due to my pure exhaustion from yesterday. i don't know what i'd do if i had a normal 9 to 5 job. i'd be even more cranky than normal (which in my current state is hard to imagine...)

and on and even brighter note my friend sherri is coming over in a little bit with her peanut josephine who i haven't even met yet! super excited to have some company as chris is occupied with jim upstairs (actually chris is up at my parents right now raiding my dads tool supply). i suppose i should vacuum the floors since a little one is coming over - it's insane how much hair two cats and a dog can produce in one day!

p.s. i'm so glad i started this blog. i really needed an outlet - for the big stuff and just the mundane stuff. chris has been a champ at handling all my ups and downs and i'm always making sure he knows how much i appreciate it but that's just too much for one person to handle. so now i can dump it out in cyberspace :)

2. It Begins!

well. it actually started a few weeks ago. . .

that was when my in-laws came up for a visit. it was the first time jim had seen the house. we showed him the second floor (which has yet to be moved in to becuase we tore out all the carpet and are waiting for the new carpet to be installed - damn tax return took f-o-r-e-v-e-r!). you could see his eyes light up as soon as he saw it. all the potential!

he told us of his visions and we thought they were pretty great - especially since he'd do all the labor and work for free - we just needed an estimate first as we're on a tight budget (next to non-existent). so he was up there taking measurements when all of a sudden we heard - BAM! BAM! BAM! crap.

he knocked down a wall!

nothing upsetting just a - uh - wait wait wait - we needed an estimate FIRST! so after they left and chris and i discussed our options we decided to let jim do half of what he wanted and the other half (bathroom expansion) will be done at a later date. he's also going to fix the wall he took down since we decided we didn't actually want that one down. so it's all good. i hope....

he's upstairs right now working away with a promise it'll be complete by the end of the week. i'll be fine and dandy as long as it's done and we can get some carpet up there by the end of the month!

now to shower and get ready for work. i was able to take a short nap (no thanks to the white trash next door who decided to come outside the instant my head touched the pillow to hack out a lung and scream at her 3 screaming children) so hopefully i don't crash later...at least until bedtime!

1. Any Day Now

any day now. by chuck jackson.

that is the song currently playing on the solid gold oldies station on my television. it's the first song on this channel i don't think i've ever heard. that's okay - i've been singing along for two hours straight - i need a break.

i had grand plans for my first post. it will be funny. witty. insightful. instead i've spent so much time setting up the blog that now the only thing i can think about is how i can no longer feel my ass.

oooo...it's another song i know <:starts singing along:> 'she's got me and i'm not free so ahhhhhhhhh - bye bye baby'

hrmph. i'm running on an hour and a half of sleep. i finally feel sleepy but my father-in-law is set to arrive shortly. do i stay awake and try to entertain him until i have to leave for work at 4 or apologize to him and tell him how his unborn grandchild is no longer letting me sleep and tell him i must nap?

i'm leaning towards the nap option.

damn my ass hurts........